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JNinelives

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PSA: Art Scams

1 min read

Hello folks!


I just wanted to let you know there are some attempted scams going around lately. I recieved a message request from someone who wanted to buy art from me (which is a little strange as I don't sell art).

DA scam

5 minutes of Googling later I found that other people had recieved extremely similar messages from people attempting to scam them. Though I'd let people know in case you have to deal with the same thing! Examples: (1) http://www.agingschmaging.com/its-not-your-fault-when-online-scammers-find-your-art/ (2) http://www.tedpapoulas.com/blog/2018/9/19/artists-beware-of-art-scammers I have reported the account via the help desk, but chances are people will keep trying to do this kind of nonsense as they always have. So best protection I can think of is just to be educated and wary of things that seem a little off! Take care everyone.

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Not too long ago, I was diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder. It was actually a really positive thing for me - it helped me understand my own mind and manage the challenges in my life more easily.


Looking back at my life now, it's often startling how clear things become. The strong aversion that I experience sometimes, the nature of my thoughts not matching the patterns of people around me. I feel lucky to have learned this, to be able to review my memories and go: it wasn't my fault after all!


There are, of course, still some challenges. I hate being watched. Specifically, I hate people looking over my shoulder while I do things - observing, following, making judgements. I'm not talking about art, or this platform. The great thing about curating your own social media is that you get to choose what you put up, and how you present it. What I'm talking about it day-to-day life: what, when, and how I do things. From things as small as what or what I eat for lunch to subjects as large as my finances and my lifestyle as whole.

Not being financially independant, I live with my parents. And in some ways this is a blessing - I eat heathy food every day, I have a place to live where I don't have to pay rent, and I have access to amenities like heaters, a good kitchen, and a lovely garden. On the other hand, sometimes I feel like I can't walk five metres without someone else crossing my path - and making a judgement about as they observe me. Sometimes I wish I could just blend into the scenery, like a chameleon. Sometimes I want to be bold, subversive and contrary to the expectations around me. Much of the time I'm just tired. I want to be able to live my life without little comments about how I present myself, without a joke or hot take on what I put on my plate. I want to have space outside the walls of my bedroom where I can exist freely, and just be me.

At it's worst, being watched feels stifling. Like not being able to breathe. My anxiety, my autism, and past experiences working in concert to crunch in the walls of my mind such that just being alive is painful. I'm grateful for what I have, as far as material security. I know others who have less. But I'm also angry, and scared, and just generally upset at times. And I don't feel that I can share that. I don't feel that I have permission to be myself. To be imperfect, to be slow, or messy, or complicated. I don't feel like I have permission to fail in any of the ways that 'normal' behaviour is expected of me. I guess the one thing I am genuinely happy about is that at least I can say it now. To myself, if not to everyone else. I recognise the pain, the intense sense of expectation and fear of consequences that rules my brain. And that's a start.

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Feeling Lonely

5 min read

I run Dungeons and Dragons on a fortnightly basis. I had a game organised for yesterday! At the last minute two of my friends cancelled (one is unwell and the other forgot he was attending a wedding). In the end there weren't enough to people to play the game. Bit of a let down, but it happens sometimes. I organised to catch up with the guy who was free today! This morning he told me his new job that's he's hoping with become long-term asked him to stay for an extra shift after work. He said yes, so we ended up rescheduling that too :(.


Hopefully I'll be able to see everyone this Saturday, but I was really hoping to just talk to everyone and tell them about what's been going on in my life. I've been trying to look out for my friends who are going through stuff themselves but I'm just been getting really tired. So I'm writing about my life here to get it out of my head and maybe process some of it. About a year ago I was diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder. I already knew that I had generalised and socailised anxiety, and possibly PTSD. This assessment confirmed those and also gave my another piece of the puzzle. It's actually been quite a positive thing, as knowing that I'm on the autism spectrum explains a lot of things that I struggle with that I didn't really know how to communicate. More recently I applied for my country's government disability insurance, which provides funds to those with significant physical or mental impairments to help them be more active and engage with society. I wasn't sure if I would get approved as to most people I seem quite capable and not at all 'disabled'. This is actually more common for people on the autism spectrum than I realised, many people don't present in the way that is generally considered 'autistic'. The process itself was a bit harrowing, as I shared a lot of vulnerable parts of my life that I don't normally talk about. In the end it was worth it! I got quite a significant funding allocation to help me pay for psychotherapy, occupational therapy, and even a support worker! Which was a lot more than I was expecting. So now I'm starting to look at where I might get that kind of help and how I can claim reimbursement through the system. Which is all positive. However, going from having zero personal income to what amounts to a heck of a lot for me in one go is a bit overwhelming. I have had some help in how to look for services, but the emotional result of all this has been really draining. I'm living with my parents but I don't feel I can really go to them for emotional support as when we talk they always have their own agendas for what they want me to achieve. Plus they are going through their own challenges in life. So this is where I turn to my friends. I have happy to have this funding and the opportunities it presents. I'm a bit confused and overwhelmed about what to do with it (and how to manage what I want vs. what other people want for me). And I'm also still sad and worried about the friends of mine who are themselves unwell. I don't really have a lot of outlets to process all of that emotion :/. My plan is to try to catch up with one person some time this week, which would be nice. After so many people being busy or cancelling though it's difficult to feel hopeful that will work out. I'm going to try running Dungeons and Dragons again on Saturday, and hopefully at least a couple of people will be available for that. In the meantime... well, just getting through the day-to-day. Dishwashing, clothes washing, self-care (medication, food, going outside). I wish I could say that I can manage that but each day I'm putting a lot of effort in just to get that far. Looking back I know that I've made a lot of progress, and I'm proud of that. I'm also just really tired though. I have other things that I've been wanting to do related to physical health, but I don't really have the energy. And now I'm going to try to do a bunch of new things as well, because I've been allocated funding for them. Sometimes I wish I could just sleep, like hibernation. Or be a tree, and get all my nutrients from the earth and the air. Or be a river, flowing across the land.

But what I really want is just not to feel alone. Hopefully I will get to see my friends and things will get better from there. Wish me luck.

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I've been thinking a lot about what kind of role I can play that's useful. I like storytelling the most, and there's a lot of people I care about. I think that's valuable. I think caring for others is an important role, and I think storytelling can help us learn.

My most recent thoughts have been that the world needs people to listen, and to share. Having love is useful, but it's even more useful when you share, and let people know you care about them. And storytelling might be a great way to do that. Of course, you need to listen first.

I've been getting CBP therapy lately - Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. It's very challenging, but I think it's helpful in the long term. It makes me more self aware, which unfortunately has made me feel angry and frustrated, but it's also got me thinking about how I can improve my life and what my strengths are, which is positive.


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Pokemon Meme

6 min read
I've been playing Pokemon Soulsilver lately (just acquired a Pokerus), and this seemed like fun ^^.

I'm Psychic/Fairy apparantly :). I'm happy with that.

Thanks to :iconchirpy-chi:, who I got this from!

Also, :iconmykegreywolf:, you're probably too busy but I would be intersted to see what kind of pokemon you are :).

BUG

[x] You like to walk in forests 
[ ] You fear birds
[ ] You are small 
[ ] You like prism colours 
[ ] You try your best every time 
[ ] There is nothing worse than giving up
[ ] You are true to your religion
[x] You like to draw 

Total: 2


DARK

[x] You are a night person
[ ] Black is the only way to go 
[ ] You like horror movies 
[ ] Only your opinion matters
[ ] You are a pessimist 
[ ] You are an emo
[x] You often see nightmares
[x] You are an atheist 

Total: 3


DRAGON

[ ] You are greedy 
[ ] Your favourite metal is gold
[ ] You love money 
[x] You are strong 
[ ] You are selfish 
[x] You have a good sense of hearing 
[ ] You are arrogant
[ ] You are smart but you hide it 

Total: 2


ELECTRIC

[ ] You like to watch thunderstorms 
[ ] You want to be friends with everybody 
[ ] People usually find you as an aggressive person 
[x] You like games 
[ ] You like coffee and energy drinks
[ ] You love running
[ ] Your favourite colour is yellow 
[X] You believe in people 

Total: 2


FAIRY

[x] You are kind 
[x] You are a family person
[x] You like fantasies 
[ ] You believe in happy endings
[x] You love candy 
[ ] You are a day person
[ ] You love all the seasons 
[x] You like jewellery

Total: 5


FIGHTING

[ ] You get easily into fights
[x] You are hardworking
[ ] You need someone to tell you what to do
[ ] You are very competitive
[ ] You don't dream at all
[ ] You are athletic
[ ] You have no musical skills 
[ ] You are a good cook 

Total: 1


FIRE

[ ] You are a spicy nature 
[x] You don't like taking orders
[ ] Your favourite colour is red 
[ ] You hate to lose
[ ] You are full of passion 
[ ] Your element is fire 
[ ] You like to party
[x] You like to stare in fire

Total: 2


FLYING

[ ] You dream about flying
[ ] You like birds 
[ ] You watch clouds 
[ ] You have many friends
[ ] You have a good sense of seeing 
[ ] Your element is air 
[ ] You have pets
[x] You don't like guns

Total: 0


GHOST

[ ] People always forget you
[ ] You feel like nothing 
[ ] You feel good when you are alone 
[ ] You like to prank people 
[ ] You cry a lot 
[X] You like libraries
[ ] You tell a lot of white lies
[ ] You usually take the easy road

Total: 1


GRASS

[x] Your favourite colour is green 
[x] You like to take it easy
[ ] You have a huge family
[ ] You like to live in countryside
[x] You love fruits 
[ ] You would save animals rather than humans
[ ] You are a hippie
[x] You hold many secrets 

Total: 4


GROUND

[ ] You can do anything all by yourself 
[x] People don't understand your way of thinking
[ ] You love meat 
[x] You rarely cry
[ ] Your element is ground
[ ] You don't fear war
[ ] You never turn your back to a friend in need 
[x] You are a good listener 

Total: 3


ICE

[ ] You like winter 
[ ] You hate hot days 
[x] You think that you are important 
[ ] Others find you beautiful 
[ ] You are a fashionista
[ ] You wish to be a model
[x] You trust only yourself 
[x] People respect you 

Total: 3


NORMAL

[ ] You are an optimist 
[ ] You don't have any special skills 
[x] You don't judge others 
[x] You can be trusted 
[x] You are friendly 
[ ] You are chubby 
[ ] You like all the colours
[x] You wish no harm to any one 

Total: 4


POISON

[x] You have a bad sense of smell 
[ ] You are clumsy
[x] You feel horrible when its Monday
[x] People find you weird 
[ ] You don't like water 
[ ] Your stress level is low 
[x] You like kids shows 
[ ] You love dark colours

Total: 4


PSYCHIC

[ ] You feel like you are special 
[ ] Your favourite colour is purple 
[x] You have an unusual skill 
[x] You like to read
[x] You like silence
[x] You are smart 
[ ] You eagerly wait what future holds 
[x] You fear failure 

Total: 5


ROCK

[ ] You prefer to be alone 
[ ] You don't break easily
[ ] You are a cold person
[x] You like to stay at home
[ ] You would like to live in Egypt
[ ] You wish you could be somebody else 
[x] People underestimate you
[x] You are a perfectionist

Total: 3


STEEL

[ ] You like technology
[x] You get easily sick 
[ ] You like to live in a city 
[x] You don't like to talk about your feelings
[ ] You like metal materials
[ ] You are lucky 
[x] You are interested about science 
[x] You love Sci-fi movies 

Total: 4


WATER

[ ] You love to swim
[ ] You love the ocean 
[ ] You like rainy days
[ ] Your favourite colour is blue 
[x] You like to listen music 
[ ] You are outgoing
[ ] Your element is water
[ ] Your favourite day of the week is Friday
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